Mastering Envy and Jealousy
Mastering Envy and Jealousy
Success stories often inspire us, but sometimes they stir up more complicated feelings. Even the most accomplished professionals can encounter envy and jealousy in their careers, especially when someone else's victory shines a light on one’s own ambitions or doubts. Let’s reframe these powerful emotions as opportunities for growth and motivation, drawing on available wisdom to help you not only manage these feelings and leverage them for your advancement.
Understanding Envy and Jealousy
Brené Brown, in Atlas of the Heart, makes a crucial distinction:
Envy: Wanting something that another person has.
Jealousy: Fearing the loss of something important (often a relationship) that you already possess.
Recognizing these emotions is the first step. Instead of ignoring or suppressing them, identify their source. Is it admiration disguised as envy? Fear of loss presenting as jealousy? This awareness prepares you to take constructive action.
The Social Dynamics of Success
High job performance can inspire colleagues, but it can also make you the focus of competitive energy. Indra Nooyi, former CEO of PepsiCo, likened the experience of promotion to being "it" in the game of tag: suddenly, everyone’s attention shifts, sometimes with skepticism or resentment. This is a classic example of the “if she’s winning, we’re losing” fallacy.
Remember, another’s rise isn’t your loss. There’s always space for more excellence. Instead of narrowing your focus to the competition, broaden it to your own path: what can you do to excel further?
Harnessing Envy for Professional Growth
Are you surprised to find yourself envious or resentful, even with experience and accolades? That’s normal. These emotions don’t disappear as you move up; if anything they intensify. But you can evolve them. The trick isn’t denying or suppressing them, but channeling them.
Reframe envy and jealousy as feedback:
Are someone’s achievements triggering your competitive instincts? Consider this an internal nudge toward your own ambitions. Thank them for alerting you to what you want.
Is there a way to better cherish what you already have? Perhaps it’s less about the next thing (promotion, title, recognition) and more about enjoying what you have where you are now.
Transform Negative Energy
Apply these principles to refocus and motivate:
Social Proof: Instead of seeing others’ success as a threat, view it as evidence that achievement is possible for you too.
Denominate to Self, not to Other: Place your own achievements next to your goals, not others’ trophies. Measure progress by your personal benchmarks.
Cultivate Freudenfreude: truly celebrate others’ success. Practice "positive empathy” by imagining yourself in their place, vicariously enjoying their achievements and feeling their joy as your own.
⚡ A Mindset Shift Exercise: “Act As If”
Try this practical visualization:
Imagine yourself in the position, lifestyle, or routine that you envy.
In addition to the benefits, picture the day-to-day grind and responsibilities.
Ask: “How do I feel actually living this reality? Does it motivate me or reveal unexpected tradeoffs?”
If you feel truly motivated, use this vision as fuel for action. If satisfaction is the same or lower, the exercise shows this desire is less important than you thought, letting you release envy or jealousy that serves no purpose.
Final Takeaway
Envy and jealousy are signals that can sharpen your focus, and fuel your ambitions. But they can also cloud your judgment. Clear them out so that you can be free to pursue your own ambitions and celebrate the shared journey of professional growth. After all, success is not a zero-sum game, the only race that truly matters is the one you run against yourself.
-E.S.
