The Case for Relentless Effort

Why Working Hard Still Wins

In today’s culture of shortcuts and hacks, hard work might seem outdated. But here’s the truth: working hard still works.

When applied consistently, effort isn’t just about results, but shapes who you become, earns the trust of others, and creates real influence. Especially over time.

We are talking about a lifelong aptitude.

Work Hard for Yourself And For Something Bigger

Applied effort is about showing up, even when it’s hard, and especially when the novelty has worn off.

That’s why “do what you love” carries some wisdom even as it is terrible advice at surface. It’s wisdom understands that it’s easier to push yourself when you care. But even when you don’t love every task, learning to find meaning in the process can make sustained effort possible.

Spoiler Alert: It Doesn’t Get Easier. But You Get Better

Many ambitious professionals hope that after years of grinding, life will ease up. But in truth, every achievement simply positions you at the base of a new, steeper climb.

This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just reality. Expecting it lets you embrace it. As the adage goes, the summit of one mountain leads to the base of another. The key is to keep climbing without getting pissed off.

Learn to treat consistent work not as punishment but preparation. You’re not stuck, you’re building.

The Debra Dilemma: When Others Do Less

We’ve all been there: working overtime while someone like Debra (no offence meant, any names are purely coincidental) coasts and still gets rewarded.

That can plant resistance in you: why give your all, if others don’t and they seem to get ahead?

Remember that you’re playing a different game, one that rewards resilience, integrity, and growth. Hard work builds internal assets no one can take such as confidence, competence, and a powerful track record. Trust in compound interest on investments you make in yourself.

⚡ Quick Practice: Recall a time when your hard work paid off. How did that success feel (not just mentally, but physically)? Anchor to that energy when motivation dips.

What You Gain from Effort That Others Don’t

Loyalty. Hard work builds more than output. It builds:

• Discipline to stay consistent

• Resilience under pressure

• Credibility with your peers

• Influence for leadership

People follow those they trust. And trust is built, brick by brick, through effort, not flash.

Eventually, your work ethic becomes a form of quiet influence that sets the tone for others, and earning you the right to lead.

⚡ Quick Practice:❓ Who inspired you through their work ethic? 💭 Imagine you’re mentoring the next version of you. What would you tell them about showing up and staying the course?

Yes, Burnout Is Real. And So Is Balance.

Working hard doesn’t mean working recklessly. Burnout is real. It is not noble nor is it necessary.

So, show up with consistent energy, but invest in recovery just as fiercely:

• Schedule non-work time - be Type A about being Type B.

• Celebrate micro-wins - with as much energy and detail as you offer up criticisms or obsess over setbacks

• Know when to pause - if you don’t take a break, the break will take you and it will be for twice as long

Avoiding burnout is about caring for yourself more strategically so you can protect you as the Golden Goose.

Final Thought

When you show up with purpose and consistent effort, you separate yourself in silent but powerful ways. Months and years of showing up, leaning in, and doing excellent work compound over time.

Consistent hard work is a competitive edge and a personal flywheel. Use it not just to prove something, but to build something.

-E.S.

🎭 Flayed Man Syndrome

The Hidden Trauma of Going Viral for the Wrong Reasons - and How to Heal

“Character is like a tree and reputation its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.”
- Abraham Lincoln

What Happens When Your Reputation Goes Viral?

Today, a single post, clip, or screenshot can spark a firestorm. You wake up to headlines, hashtags, and hate. The world thinks it knows you. You don’t even recognize yourself.

Psychologists have been seeing a new wave of patients who aren’t just anxious but flayed. The symptoms resemble PTSD but without physical threat, and Adjustment Disorder but without disproportion.

This is something else entirely.

I call it:

Flayed Man Syndrome (FMS)

A psychological response to the viral loss of reputation, trust, and perceived humanity.

Yes, the name is provocative. It's meant to be. It's also a nod to history (more on that below). But most importantly, it names a modern experience with ancient roots: public condemnation without due process.

What Are the Symptoms?

• Obsessive rumination

• Panic and paranoia

• Depersonalization

• Insomnia

• Shame spirals

• Inability to eat, work, or focus

• Fear of being seen

• Hysterical crying

• Physical symptoms (racing heart, nausea)

How Is It Different?

Not PTSD: No physical threat, just social annihilation.
Not Adjustment Disorder: The reaction fits the scale of reputational collapse.
Not “just stress”: It is real, diagnosable, and trauma-like.

Diagnostic Criteria:

Criterion A: The person is publicly harassed or outed - whether for a real or perceived mistake.
Criterion B: Their intent is presumed malicious for a minimum of 24 hours.
Criterion C: At least one major social media platform is involved. (Exceptions apply if legacy media drives the campaign).

Label format: FMS, mild/moderate/severe; specify which platforms involved; specify with/without doxxing

Why the Name? A Nod to Michelangelo

In the Sistine Chapel’s Last Judgment, Michelangelo hides his self-portrait in a figure holding a flayed human skin, a martyr’s shell.

Why? Because he felt skinned alive by the man holding his skin, his critic Pietro Aretino: a man who tried to cancel him for refusing to share drawings, accusing Michelangelo of “indecency” and lobbying the Pope to destroy his art.

But the art still stands.
The indecency stayed.
Michelangelo prevailed.
Aretino didn’t.

How to Recover:

1. Validate the Valid.
What can you own without crumbling? Owning even 2% dissolves 98% of defensiveness.

2. Remember the Stadium.
Social media feels huge—but most of the “noise” comes from a tiny section of the crowd. The claque. They boo the loudest. They are not the majority.

3. Know the Difference Between Character and Reputation.
Reputation is what people say. Character is who you are when no one’s watching.

4. Rebuild Safe Ground.
Find your people. Build shelter in relationships, not reactions.

5. Use Humor.
Yes, even dark humor. Laughter lowers cortisol and restores perspective.

Why This Matters

Flayed Man Syndrome may not yet be in the DSM (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), but the damage is real. The suffering is real. The treatment must be too.

Naming it is the first step to neutralizing its power.

Because when you are targeted, you may feel like your skin has been ripped off. But remember: your skin is not your soul.

Michelangelo knew this. So did Lincoln.
Now, we know it too.

-E.S.

10 Years of Tinkering

What the Wright Brothers Teach Us About Timelines

When Wilbur and Orville Wright lifted their flyer off the ground in 1903, the world witnessed a breakthrough that redefined what was possible. Yet, the real lesson from the Wright brothers is not just about the 12 seconds that changed history - it’s about the decade of relentless tinkering, curiosity, and incremental progress that made those 12 seconds possible.

Consider this: The Wright brothers didn’t stumble into aviation greatness overnight. Their journey began in 1892 with the founding of the Wright Cycle Exchange in Dayton, Ohio. This wasn’t just a hometown business. It was their laboratory. Dayton, a hub of industrial innovation and engineering talent, provided them access to cutting-edge knowledge and materials, as well as a rich library for research. Every bicycle they repaired, every new part they invented was a stepping stone, sharpening their mechanical skills, fueling their imagination, and funding their eventual ultimate achievement.

The profits from their bicycle business peaked at about $3,000 in 1897 (roughly $115,000 today). These dollars weren’t just financial security. They were the lifeblood of their experiments, underwriting years of trial, error, and learning. The Wrights didn’t wait for a grant or a stroke of luck; they built the foundation themselves, brick by brick, dollar by dollar.

Their story demolishes the myth of the overnight success. Yes, the Wright brothers spent four years intensely focused on flight, but before that, they invested a decade in curiosity-driven exploration and self-funding. They learned from others, observed nature, and drew inspiration from a simple toy their father gave them. Every setback was a lesson, every small win a building block.

What the Wright brothers prove is universal: breakthroughs are the product of patience, persistence, and the courage to tinker. The next time you’re tempted to measure progress by days or months, remember that the world’s first flight was built on ten years of invisible work. If you want to change the game, give yourself the time to tinker, and don’t underestimate where curiosity, patience, and perseverance can take you.

-E.S.

The Invisible Power of Environment: How Where You Are Shapes Who You Become

Want to change your life? Change your surroundings

If you want to be a swimmer, you must get in the water. If you want to be sober, avoid the bar. Want to improve at chess? Sit at a chessboard. Want to eat healthier? Stop bringing junk food home. These examples may sound simple, but they reveal a profound truth: our environments quietly but powerfully shape our habits and outcomes.

Environment: The Silent Architect

Both our physical and social environments act as silent architects of our behavior. There’s an old saying: if you surround yourself with four of anything, you’ll become the fifth. The company you keep and the places you frequent are part of the scaffolding for your future self.

What’s Your Water?

David Foster Wallace’s famous keynote recounts a parable that asks: “What’s water?” The most pervasive forces in our lives are often invisible to us. We swim in currents of encouragement or discouragement, stress or support, competition or collaboration, rarely pausing to consider how these environments shape our choices and moods.

Choose Your Waters Wisely

To thrive, reflect on the environments you inhabit, both literal and psychological. Are you surrounded by challenge or complacency? Cynicism or optimism? Rivalry or camaraderie? The environments you choose, and those you tolerate, quietly mold your habits, values, and sense of possibility.

Early Career? Sample Different Environments

Especially early in your career, expose yourself to a variety of work environments. Only by sampling different “waters” can you discover where you can contribute and grow most. Employers often value a two-year commitment: the first year is for learning, the second for delivering value. Stay long enough to learn from both the challenges and the triumphs.

The People Factor

When considering a new role, the team is as important as the work. The right colleagues can transform a job; the wrong ones can make even exciting work a daily grind. Teams are messy, and even the best workplaces will test your patience. Calibrate your expectations, protect yourself from the worst downsides, and seek environments where health and growth are possible.

Demanding vs. Toxic

Not every demanding workplace is toxic. High standards and clear procedures can create a culture of excellence. Ask yourself: Who gets promoted, and why? Are commitments honored? Is there transparency and fairness? These are the true markers of a healthy ecosystem.

When to Move On

Truly toxic environments where blame, dishonesty, and power struggles prevail erode productivity and spirit. Sometimes, the only solution is to change your environment. Define your “Quitter’s Criteria” know your red lines, and when it’s time to move on.

Leave It Better Than You Found It

Wherever you go, strive to leave people and places better than you found them. Improvement doesn’t always require revolution; often, it’s about thriving within the system and nudging it toward fairness. As the saying goes, the grass is greener where you water it. Just make sure you know what’s in the water.

-E.S.

Put Your S.H.O.E.S. O.N.

The Physical Essentials You Can’t Afford to Ignore for Success

There’s a clip of Warren Buffett speaking to a room of university students. He makes them an offer: “I’ll give you any car you want. Free of charge. Raise your hand if you’re in.”

Every hand shoots up.

Then he adds a catch: “It’s the only car you’ll ever own. For life.”

The room goes quiet.

Mr. Buffett’s point? If you only had one car, you'd treat it like gold. You’d ensure it gets regular oil changes, premium fuel, and meticulous care. Then he drops the punchline: “You get one body and one mind. That’s it. Take care of them.”

Yes, this wisdom is coming from the same man who famously runs on Coca-Cola and McDonald’s. But it’s fair to say that Mr. Buffet is exceptional in a few verticals. Don’t mistake the point of his message, as the principle is sound.

In high-performance culture, we’re trained to prioritize strategy, grit, and mental agility. But psychologists, and especially neuropsychologists, know what most high achievers forget:

🧠 Your ability to think, feel, and perform is grounded in the physical body.

Success isn’t just dependent on mental framing. Biochemistry matters. So if you’re serious about performance, start where it is rooted - in the body. Or in other words… Put your SHOES on:

🌙 Sleep. Sleep deprivation cuts cognitive performance like alcohol does. (Yes, pulling an all-nighter can make you legally impaired.)

💧 Hydration. Your brain is 80% water. Even mild dehydration reduces alertness, memory, and mood.

💨 Oxygenation. Shallow breathing = shallow thinking. Breath fuels focus.

🏃‍♂️ Exercise. Movement isn’t a “nice to have.” It builds new brain cells and improves executive function.

🏠 Shelter (Environment). Your surroundings influence your stress load, your focus, your motivation, and your decision making.

❤️‍🔥 Orgasm. Sexual pleasure reduces cortisol, boosts dopamine, improves sleep, and enhances bonding. (Also, it just feels good.)

🥦 Nutrition. B12 deficiency can mimic dementia. Poor diet can inflame your brain. You literally are what you eat.

These aren’t luxuries. They’re your mainframe.

Keep in mind that:

• Chronic stress shrinks the brain’s memory center.

• Poor diet impairs neurotransmitter balance.

• Lack of movement increases risk for both depression and dementia.

Emotions are embodied: Rage clenches fists. Shame sinks the stomach. Joy expands the chest. These are more than metaphors, they speak to the body-mind interplay

If your body is in good shape, your thinking, your focus, and your leadership will be too.

Final thought: You wouldn’t show up to a boardroom barefoot. Don’t show up to your life without putting your SHOES ON.

-E.S.

Know your Worth - Not Just Your Net Worth

How Financial Value and Personal Value Get Confused, and What to Do About It

We live in a culture obsessed with numbers: follower counts, salary bands, net worth. And because numbers are easy to compare and hard to ignore, it’s no surprise that net worth has quietly crept into our internal measurement of self-worth. But let’s be clear: net worth is a financial snapshot, a balance sheet. Self-worth is a life portrait. It is a measure of your character, convictions, and contribution. Conflating the two isn’t just inaccurate, it’s dangerous.

Why? Because when you confuse what you have with who you are, you put your identity on the auction block.

The Reciprocity Between Self-Worth and Net Worth

To be fair, the two are not entirely unrelated. A strong sense of self-worth can increase your chances of building net worth. When you believe in your own value, you negotiate more confidently, set clearer boundaries, and command more respect. And people respond to that. They want to mentor you. Partner with you. Open doors for you. Because in the eyes of others, how you treat yourself teaches them how to treat you.

But net worth can also influence self-worth, at least temporarily. Financial security reduces stress. Wealth affords you freedom and control, which psychologically reinforces agency, autonomy, and self-efficacy. All of which feel like confidence. All of which feel like worth.

Yet the danger is this: if your sense of self is anchored solely to your financial status, your identity becomes vulnerable to market conditions. Lose the money, lose the identity. Even worse, keep the money — and you may still lose the joy. That’s the paradox: people who tie their worth to wealth often become more anxious once they have it, not less. Why? Because now they have something to lose. And loss aversion as every behavioral economist will tell you, is a much more powerful motivator than potential gain.

In other words, financial success can make you louder, but it won’t make you wiser.

Why Accurate Self-Appraisal Is Hard — and Rare

There’s a deeper challenge here. Knowing your worth requires accurate self-appraisal. And accurate self-appraisal is rare, even among highly intelligent people. Why? Because the human brain prefers fixed ideas to dynamic truths. Once we form a belief about ourselves, we tend to stick with it even if it’s outdated, incomplete, or inherited.

Ever been labeled “the shy one” or “the dependable one” in your family? Those scripts are sticky. They resist update. Why? Because your brain conserves energy by remembering, not rethinking. But remembering keeps you rooted in the past. Self-worth requires living in the present.

And then there’s wishful thinking. We don’t just lie to others — we lie to ourselves. Sometimes we overestimate (“I’m destined for greatness”), sometimes we underestimate (“I’m not leadership material”). But both are distortions. The antidote is Socratic questioning. Ask open-ended, honest questions about what we actually bring to a room, to a relationship, to a role.

Start here:

• What specific quality do I bring that others value?

• What do I like about myself?

• What do people consistently appreciate about me?

And if you’re still unsure, look at the people you admire. Why them? What traits do they embody? The answer to that question is also an answer about you - because admiration is a mirror. We admire in others what we value in ourselves, consciously or not.

The Moral and Career Currency of Self-Worth

Let’s shift to the workplace. Self-worth is not the same as employee value. One is about who you are; the other, what you do. Don’t confuse the two. Your title is not your identity. Saying “I am a psychologist” implies you are your job. Try “I work as a psychologist” instead. It’s a subtle but powerful linguistic reframe. It separates your being from your doing.

Now, here’s the persuasive kicker: Knowing your self-worth isn’t just about self-esteem — it’s about negotiation. When you know what you’re truly capable of, you can set fair boundaries, advocate for yourself, and hold others accountable. This isn’t just spiritual fluff, it’s strategy. Confidence built on clarity is harder to shake.

Strengths That Can Sabotage

Even your strengths need self-awareness. Every virtue, unchecked, becomes a liability:

• Empathy can become over-sensitivity.

• Honesty can become over-sharing.

• Focus can become obsession.

The difference is often intent, and ego. Are you acting from grounded purpose, or from the need to prove something? Are you trying to serve, or to impress? Be honest. Then own your behavior and refine it.

Context Matters — But Character Matters More

In a culture saturated with relativism (“It depends,” “Who’s to say?”), it’s tempting to believe everything is subjective. But career success and life fulfillment depend on universal virtues. Psychologists and philosophers alike have found six that span centuries and civilizations:

• Wisdom: making sound judgments

• Courage: facing difficulty with resolve

• Justice: acting fairly

• Temperance: exercising restraint

• Transcendence: connecting to meaning

• Humanity: showing compassion

Your self-worth isn’t how much you own. It’s how much of these you embody.

Final Persuasion: Why It Pays to Know Your Worth

In Influence, the principle of consistency tells us people are more likely to follow through on actions that align with their identity. That’s why you must build your self-worth before your net worth. Because money will only amplify the self you’ve already built. If that self is grounded, growth will feel expansive. If it’s shaky, growth will feel hollow.

So ask yourself:

• Are you building a portfolio, or are you building a person?

• Is your behavior an asset or a liability?

• Is your character a source of wealth or a source of debt?

Know your worth. Then build your net worth on top of it — not in place of it.

Because true wealth isn’t measured by what you have, but by how well you know who you are.

-E.S

Know your Mind

How Your Own Thinking Deceives You—and What to Do Instead

“I think, therefore I am.”
– René Descartes

“I think, therefore I am... driving myself crazy.”
– Emily Segal

Your mind is a dazzling, evolved, trillion-synapse miracle. It is also a mischief machine. It not produces not only insights and intelligence, but illusions and strife. Yes, it is a powerful tool, perhaps the most advanced product of evolution. But it is also riddled with vulnerabilities because it is designed to infer quickly, not accurately.

Your mind is a master of half-hints - partial truths disguised as certainties. Inference is a flawed feature that was forged in environments where hesitation meant death and quick pattern recognition meant survival. But what once protected us now often poisons us. We infer from fragments and draw conclusions from shadows. We spot a pattern and cling to it, even when disconfirming evidence stares us in the face. We don’t like to let go. Why? Because our brain prefers the familiar fiction to the discomfort of uncertainty.

Take the sun. It “always” rises in the east. It does but it doesn’t, not exactly. The margin of error is degrees wide, yet we don’t abandon the general rule because of an exception. And when the moon briefly eclipses the sun, we don’t rewrite astronomy. We understand that exceptions do not overthrow the rule. Unless we are thinking distortedly, like when we are depressed.

In depression, the rare exception becomes the defining truth. A momentary eclipse becomes the self-image: a dark center surrounded by illusionary light. What is objectively fleeting becomes subjectively permanent. You misinterpret harmless data (your boss’s glance, your partner’s silence) as existential threats. Your mind begins to catastrophize. This is not clarity. This is distortion.

Cognitive distortions are the mind’s shallow inferences that muddy the waters of deep logic. They are survival habits that have outlived their utility, clouding your perception and contaminating your decisions. Here are a few of their names, likely familiar if you've ever doubted yourself:

• All-or-nothing thinking – There is no nuance, only extremes.

• Mind reading – You assume others’ judgments without balanced evidence.

• Fortune telling – You predict disaster, and feel it as certainty.

• Catastrophizing – The smallest setback becomes the end of the world.

• Overgeneralizing – One loss equals eternal failure.

• Disqualifying the positives – You dismiss success as luck, and take pain as proof.

• Emotional reasoning – You feel worthless, therefore you must be.

There are plenty more that researchers have found. These are not harmless quirks. They are internal saboteurs. They ask that you trade in a favourable impression of yourself as secure and capable for a diminished underling.

Worse still, your brain doesn’t like being wrong. It doesn’t quietly correct itself. It doubles down. Enter confirmation bias, the art of seeing only what proves you right. Enter cognitive dissonance, the discomfort of contradiction, soothed only by mental sleight-of-hand.

If left unchecked, it becomes delusion.

But there is a remedy—prediction.

Test your mind’s authority. Make specific forecasts. Write them down. Observe the dissonance between what you think will happen and what actually does. Be forensic in your self-investigation:

• Event:

• Who:

• What:

• When:

• Where:

• Did it happen? Yes / No

Watch how little of your mental noise maps to reality. And then realize: if your brain was a mapmaker, has it been drawing monsters in margins of uncharted territory?

But why does it do this? Why such design flaws?

Because in a hostile past, it worked. The ancestor who assumed the rustle in the bushes was a predator lived longer than the one who waited for confirmation. Distorted inference kept us alive. These processes are evolutionary artifacts. They were once adaptive, now corrosive. If you grew up in chaotic homes, unpredictable environments, or emotional warfare, these habits of mind were reinforced, even rewarded.

But now? You’re no longer in the jungle. Yet the jungle is still in you. And letting it go means letting go of the wish that the jungle was other than what it was.

If you let these distortions govern your perceptions, you will overestimate threat, underestimate your value, and live in emotional exile from reality. Remember: your perception is not the world. But it is your world.

The old wisdom echoes: “Where attention goes, energy flows.” This is incomplete. Where attention goes, your life flows. If you attend only to the shadows, you will miss the light. If you believe every depressed thought, you will become its prisoner.

So do not worship every whisper of your mind.

Your mind is a tool. Learn how to use it wisely.

-E.S

Know Your WHY, Find Your Purpose

The Hidden Source of Power and Progress

There is a quiet panic many professionals feel but rarely name. It often sounds like this: Why am I doing this again? It echoes in late-night work sessions, during long commutes, or at the edge of burnout. The symptoms - distraction, disengagement, restlessness - mask an inner erosion. Not of competence, but of purpose.

You may not be lost, but you're drifting. And that is painful.

The modern world trains us to show up, but not to ask Why. A person without a Why is easily manipulated, exhausted, and replaced. Purpose is power. Because the person with a powerful Why can suffer, and still stand. Can fail, and still strive. Can lose everything, and still begin again.

Your Why is the source code of your motivation. When you know it, you’re harder to knock off course. When you forget it, everything becomes a grind. The most effective people (artists, executives, parents, athletes) are powered not just by talent, but by purpose.

Fulfilment: Emotional and Logistical

In commerce, fulfilment means delivering goods efficiently and reliably. Without it, businesses fail. In human life, emotional fulfilment plays a similar role. It delivers meaning. When you align with your Why, you become your own fulfilment center, producing work that matters.

Both forms of fulfilment depend on trust. One with customers. The other, with yourself.

A business can’t feel joy. But a person can. And when you do, effort multiplies. Motivation becomes instinct.

The Paradox of the Why: Do I Choose It, or Does It Choose Me?

Should you wait for purpose or chase it? Either works, as long as you’re paying attention.

Why #1: Because It Feels Good

When asked why he made a movie about breakfast, Jerry Seinfeld said, “Because I felt like it.” This isn’t indulgence. It’s instinct. Pleasure is not the enemy of purpose; it is often the breadcrumb trail toward it

But beware the counterfeit version: not all pleasures are created equal. Some give you a high today and extract a cost tomorrow. That is not fulfilment. That is a loan shark.

Seek deeper pleasures: mastery, contribution, effort before reward. The key is to distinguish short-term indulgence from long-term satisfaction.

If you cannot yet afford a career built on joy, you can still create pockets of it in the stolen hours before or after work. A side pursuit. A creative project. Something that reminds you who you are. Often, that is where purpose first shows itself.

Why #2: Because It Gets Me Recognition

We all want to be seen. That’s not weakness, it’s wiring.

Psychologists have long known that social validation is not a luxury. It’s a survival mechanism. To be recognized by the group meant safety, resources, and belonging. To go unseen was to risk exile. That wiring hasn’t changed. Today, recognition is not about survival in the wild, but about survival in the self. It is the emotional fulfillment signal that says: You matter. Your effort counts. Keep going.

Recognition deepens your bond with your work. But if you wouldn’t keep going without applause, then recognition is your drug, not your purpose.

Why #3: Because I Was Put Here To Do This

Some Whys feel like a calling. They arise not from desire but from alignment between your gifts and the world’s needs.

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks said: “A calling is the point where your talents meet the needs of the world.”

This kind of purpose demands that you know what you’re good at, and then apply it where it matters most. Honed in discomfort. Clarified by failure. Strengthened by sacrifice.

To find this Why, look backward. What patterns repeat? What moments made you feel alive? What did you do as a child before anyone paid you or praised you?

The Why Matrix

To separate illusion from intention, consider this:

If it feels good now but costs you later - cut.

If it hurts now but builds you later - pursue.

Final Thoughts: When the Why Is Missing

When your Why vanishes, you drift, and chase others’ expectations without a true north. Psychologist Alfred Adler reminds us that actions follow “fictional finalisms,” imagined goals that may trap you if they’re unclear or misguided. To reclaim your Why, first unmask the narratives you’ve inherited: the career you “should” pursue, the success metrics you’ve internalized, the roles adopted to please. Ask which of these fictions genuinely serves growth, mastery, contribution, creativity- and discard those that confine you.

Next, examine your lifestyle. If recurring patterns of habit and thought breed frustration or isolation, it’s a signal to revise your hidden life-goal. Adler places a commitment to others at the heart of purpose. When service anchors your Why, it transcends ego. Start small: mentor a colleague, volunteer a skill, offer help without expectation. Each act realigns your internal compass, showing that even modest contributions matter.

Remember that finding your Why is an ongoing experiment-and-adjust process. Test emerging goals in real situations: if an action fosters connection and growth, lean into it; if it causes detachment, revisit your guiding fiction.

Over time, this cycle sculpts a purpose that is authentic and community-centered. And the question “Why am I doing this?” transforms from being a point of doubt to a path of meaning, one that carries you forward, even in turbulent times.

-E.S.

The Scarcity Trap: How Mental Framing Hijacks Your Choices—And How to Take Back Control

Scarcity Is a Mindset, Not a Reality

Scarcity is persuasive but problematic. It triggers urgency, but it also hijacks logic. And worst of all, it disguises itself as the whole truth.

You feel it when you say, “I’m behind.” When you think, “I don’t have enough.” When your goals shrink to survival instead of strategy.

Scarcity isn’t always reality. It’s often a mental filter. A cognitive distortion. One that narrows your view, distorts your choices, and leaves you operating from fear, not freedom.

Two Very Different Operating Systems

Understanding the difference between scarcity and abundance is more than a casual mindset tip. It’s a strategic framework to see personal opportunities and to take responsibility for capitalizing on them.

🪫 Scarcity Mindset

• Operates on fear

• Focuses on what’s missing

• Rejects change

• Reacts with resentment, pressure, overcompensation

• Isolates

• Creates double binds and false choices to keep you stuck

🔋 Abundance Mindset

• Operates on contentment

• Focuses on what’s next

• Embraces change

• Responds with creativity, gratitude, openness

• Connects

• Sees multiple possible paths forward

Key Question Before Any Decision:

Am I thinking from scarcity?

Plans made in scarcity tend to fail, because they’re frail and short-sighted. Abundance expands awareness and opens the door to creative, resilient, high-leverage choices.

The Bucket That Thought It Was Broken

To understand the true shift in mindset, consider this parable:

A water bearer carried two buckets. One was perfect. The other had a crack and leaked water every day on the walk home.

The cracked bucket felt ashamed, believing it had failed. But the water bearer smiled and said: “Did you notice the flowers on your side of the path? I planted seeds there. Your leak watered them. Without your flaw, there would be no beauty.”

And because the beauty enhanced the walk, the water bearer worked more diligently and returned home more joyfully.

Scarcity saw a leak. Abundance saw a secret gift.

The cracked bucket didn’t need to be fixed - it needed to be reconsidered and repurposed. Favorably and accurately.

The intact bucket didn’t need to get broken - it needed to be appreciated.

Scarcity says: “I’m not enough.” Abundance says: “Even my flaws give something meaningful.”

Shift the Frame: From Worry to Wonder

If you want to shift into abundance, start with your language.

Reframe Scarcity Syntax:

Scarcity → Abundance

• “I’m worried that… → “I wonder whether…”

• “I hate it that…” → “It would be really nice if…”

• “Here’s what I lack…” → “Here’s what I have…”

• “I can’t…” → “But I can still…”

Language isn’t just how you explain your reality - it’s how you construct it.

Try Cognitive Diffusion: A Mental Health Habit

Another powerful tool: cognitive diffusion (from ACT therapy).

It helps you create distance between yourself and your thoughts.

Instead of saying:

“I’m anxious.”

You say:

“I’m noticing that I’m having an anxious thought.”

And then “I’m noticing that I’m noticing that I’m having an anxious thought.”

This subtle shift restores agency. Rather than being inside a chaotic storm, you’re watching the weather from shelter. You are not the thought, but rather you become the observer.

Bonus Tool: The Creative Lens

Designer Anya Hindmarch popularized a playful way to defuse distressing thoughts: The Creative Lens.

Replay a difficult memory or imagined outcome using absurd filters:

• Visual: black and white, fast-forward, cartoon, sepia tone

• Audio: helium voices, robotic tones, foreign accents.

It might sound silly, but it’s serious psychology. You become the director of the experience, not the victim of it.

Final Thought: Your Focus Matters More than your Flaws

The beginner’s mind is curious, flexible, open. And strategic.

Abundance doesn’t mean denial. It means accurate reappraisal. It challenges you to choose again. To reframe, to experiment, to develop better attitudes and behaviors that bear fruits of prosperity.

Sometimes your weakness is watering the exact path you were meant to walk.

Just don’t lose sight of the destination. Focus wisely.

-E.S.