So, You Want to Become a Psychologist

A practical guide for those considering a career in mental health

Every week, I hear from students, early-career professionals, or simply curious people asking: What does it take to build a career in psychology?

The path isn’t a straight line, like most paths, and it’s certainly not always glamorous. But it is meaningful, challenging, and deeply human. If you’re thinking about stepping into this profession, here are some truths worth knowing.

1. Choosing the Right Degree: PhD, PsyD, or Master’s?

The first fork in the road is education. A Master’s degree can provide a solid foundation, and there are many excellent clinicians who stop there. However, keep in mind:

• Some positions require a PhD or PsyD.

• Doctoral programs typically shorten the road to independent practice and insurance reimbursement.

• A Master’s often means additional years of supervised practice before full licensure.

If you’re unsure what you ultimately want to do, plan to advance as far as you can, so you’ll keep more doors open. And wherever you study, make sure the program is CPA or APA accredited. Accreditation matters when it comes to licensure (a process that can get very technical - yes, they may even ask you for your first-year syllabi). Also, if you hope to do a fellowship, plan to get more program clinical hours (i.e. via internships, practica) than are standard, even if your program is accredited.

Some might counsel you to a choose niche area of practice speciality; in my opinion it is better to go broad, while also steering towards a specified horizon. You want to be able triangulate theories and approaches to establish your own robust mental models.

2. Balance Science and Art

Psychology is grounded in evidence-based practices. The field has learned the hard way that intuition and caring aren’t enough. What we believe works must be tested against data, replicated, and measured for real-world outcomes.

For example:

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy has decades of research supporting its efficacy for certain conditions.

• Established fields like neuropsychology rely heavily on data from standardized testing. There is a methodic way of thinking that underscores neuropsychology, and an emphasis on assessment/diagnosis, which complements and disciplines clinical interventions.

• Outcome research helps us understand not just what works, but for whom and under what conditions.

At the same time, psychology is an art as much as it is a science. Therapy is not a lab experiment but a living relationship. Too much technicality can strip away what makes therapy powerful: the human connection.

Think of it like music. The data are like the sheet music, the melody comes from how the sheet music is played. The strongest psychologists know when to privilege data and when to lean into the subjectivity of human experience.

3. Live a Full Life

One of the best ways to become a better psychologist is to become a fuller human being. Explore wide-ranging interests. Travel, read, try new things, and talk to people outside your comfort zone. Your ability to connect rests on the richness of your own experiences more so than on your formal education.

4. Don’t Do It for the Money

Psychology offers many things such as meaning, connection, and growth - but “lucrative” is not usually one of them. Yes, some niches (neuropsychology, forensic psychology, industrial-organizational work) can pay well, and new opportunities with apps, AI, and media offer monetary possibilities, though they have their own pain points.

If your goal is to “make a big score,” this is not the field. Business, finance, or tech may be better suited. That said, you can earn a wonderful living as a psychologist. You just need to understand the limits and opportunities.

5. Learn the Business Side

Most graduate programs won’t teach you how to run a practice - but you’ll need to know it.

• Get comfortable talking about money and going rates.

• Learn to negotiate leases.

• Hire a good accountant and a good lawyer.

• Build a referral base through word of mouth, primary care providers, and directories like Psychology Today.

• Invest in a website and SEO. Many clients now find their therapists online.

• Consider taking an introductory business course at your school’s business program.

The “helping” side and the “business” side don’t have to be at odds. Think of business skills as a tool to sustain your practice so you can focus on helping people.

6. Stay Curious - It’s called a “Practice” for a Reason

The most rewarding part of psychology isn’t in textbooks or theory, it’s in the daily surprises. You’ll learn something new from your clients every day. You’ll be inspired in ways you can’t predict. And you’ll be reminded, constantly, of the strength and resilience of the human condition. If you go to therapy yourself, as some training programs rightly advise, this will include yourself, too.

Stay humble. Stay honest. Stay curious. That orientation will serve you better than any technique or credential.

Final Thought

Becoming a psychologist is not just a career choice but a purposeful calling, that requires an estimation of what you are good at, and what the world needs. It’s a responsibility and privilege to help others. If you choose this path, you won’t necessarily get rich quick. But you will become alive to the enriching, beautiful stuff of being human.

- E.S.

The New Digital Archetypes: Power, Shadows & Survival Online

Social media hasn’t just changed how we communicate. It has reprogrammed the very archetypes of influence.

Carl Jung described archetypes as timeless roles in the human psyche: the Hero, the Sage, the Trickster. Today, those same patterns are amplified and distorted by algorithms, visibility, and the relentless feedback loop of digital life. Scholars and futurists have already begun tracing this shift.

The lesson is clear: archetypes aren’t gone. They’ve gone digital. And if you don’t see which one you’re embodying - or how it can turn against you - you’re playing blind while others play with a map.

The Six New Archetypes of the Digital Age

1. The Networker

• Jungian Roots: The Lover (connection, belonging), the Magician (making hidden links visible), and the Ruler (power through alliances).

• Essence: Connector of people, ideas, and opportunities. Today’s merchant, diplomat, and dealmaker but scaled to the speed of algorithms.

• Power: Rapid access to social capital, exponential reach, and career leverage.

• Shadow: The Manipulator, the Misinformation Agent. A mile wide and an inch deep, trading authenticity for attention, vulnerable to becoming a pawn of algorithms.

👉 Persuasion Lever: Authority. People defer to those who appear well-connected. But true authority requires depth of knowledge, not just breadth of connection.

2. The Collaborator

• Jungian Roots: The Everyman (belonging), the Creator (building together), and the Caregiver (nurturing collective outcomes).

• Essence: Co-creator who thrives on collective intelligence, crowdsourcing, and iteration.

• Power: Harnesses group creativity for innovation, problem-solving, and momentum.

• Shadow: The Herd Follower, the Mob Participant. Lost in consensus, trend-chasing for visibility, or surrendering independent judgment to groupthink.

👉 Persuasion Lever: Social Proof. Collaboration convinces others to join and there is strength in numbers. But blind conformity blurs truth and gives free passes to irresponsible ideas.

3. The Welcomer

• Jungian Roots: The Caregiver (inclusion), the Innocent (openness), and the Lover (harmony).

• Essence: Inclusive bridge-builder, spotlighting the overlooked, integrating global perspectives.

• Power: Earns loyalty and moral authority by giving others a chance, and a voice.

• Shadow: The Virtue Signaler, the Chameleon. Openness bends into appeasement or being fake for social sake, echoing Jung’s warning that the Persona can eclipse an authentic Self.

👉 Persuasion Lever: Liking. Empathy builds influence. But likability pursued for its own sake curdles into distrust.

4. The Performer

• Jungian Roots: The Jester (entertainment), the Hero (achievement), and above all, the Persona (the social mask).

• Essence: Curator of the self as brand. Visibility becomes currency.

• Power: Personal branding magnetizes opportunities. Storytelling commands attention.

• Shadow: The Narcissist, the Manufactured Persona. Addicted to metrics, hollow behind the façade.

👉 Persuasion Lever: Scarcity. Performers thrive by highlighting uniqueness. But overexposure leads to dullness.

5. The Provocateur

• Jungian Roots: The Outlaw (rebellion), the Trickster (disruption), sometimes the Warrior (cause-driven struggle).

• Essence: Challenger of norms, disruptor of consensus. Gains attention by daring to say what others won’t.

• Power: Positions self as innovator, truth-teller, or necessary critic.

• Shadow: The Troll, the Chaos Merchant. Thrives on outrage, weaponizes division, corrodes trust.

👉 Persuasion Lever: Contrast. Bold differences persuade. But constant conflict becomes predictable noise.

6. The Watcher

• Jungian Roots: The Sage (observation, wisdom), the Orphan/Everyman (outsider stance), and the Hermit (withdrawal).

• Essence: Silent consumer, observer of trends, shaper of culture by engagement - or lack of it.

• Power: Influence without exposure; strategic positioning while others overextend.

• Shadow: The Lurker, the Cynic. Passive, paralyzed, invisible. Consuming without individuating.

👉 Persuasion Lever: Commitment & Consistency. Even small acts of contribution build credibility. But total silence erodes presence.

The Algorithm Is Part Source and Part Amplifier

These archetypes don’t live in a vacuum. Algorithms decide which versions of you survive and which are buried. They reward Networkers for engagement, elevate Performers who generate clicks, and amplify Provocateurs who trigger outrage.

What looks like “choice” is in fact a battlefield designed by invisible hands. Fail to recognize this, and you’ll unconsciously play into the machine’s incentives, becoming the shadow of your own archetype.

Why This Matters for You

As Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

In today’s world, archetypes are no longer just myths. They’re operating systems for influence. And those who master them don’t just participate. They lead.

The choice is yours:

✔️ Diagnose your dominant type

✔️ Anticipate the shadow

✔️ Blend archetypes to stay balanced

-E.S.

Molded from Faults: Why Admitting Mistakes is the Real Test of Professional Growth

“Even the best of us are molded from faults.” – Shakespeare

In theory, accountability should get easier the more expertise we accumulate.

The more educated we become, the clearer our errors should appear. After all, education is often described as the sharpening of the intellect: a disciplined habit of identifying what’s wrong and striving to improve.

And yet, our recent survey of 700+ professionals across education levels uncovered something surprising.

What We Learned About Feedback & Fault

We asked professionals three questions:

1. How do you respond to tough feedback?

2. How easily do you admit to mistakes?

3. Do you want to get better at admitting fault?

Here’s what we found:

• On tough feedback: Regardless of education level, people were remarkably consistent. About 55-60% reported being recognized by others as good at handling tough feedback. Roughly a quarter weren’t sure, and about 5-8% flatly said people hadn’t told them this at all. In other words: education level doesn’t make you better (or worse) at handling tough feedback.

• On admitting mistakes: Here’s where education did matter. 86% of respondents with only a high school diploma said admitting mistakes comes easily. That dropped to 83% among those with a 2-year associate degree, and then to 78% for those with an undergraduate degree. Finally, it bottomed out at 76% among those with postgraduate degrees.

It seems the more educated you are, the more difficult it becomes to admit fault.

• On wanting to improve at admitting mistakes: The picture becomes even more paradoxical. A full 25% of postgraduate degree holders reported having no interest in improving their ability to admit mistakes - matching the 25% of those with only a high school diploma. Meanwhile, those with undergraduate or associate degrees expressed the most motivation to get better at acknowledging errors, with only 15% in each group saying they weren’t interested in improving.

Why Do More Educated People Struggle More with Admitting Fault?

If education teaches critical thinking, why would advanced degree holders - those who are supposed to be the most capable thinkers - have the hardest time owning mistakes?

Their psychology might instructive:

• Cognitive investment bias (aka scholastic snobbery): The more years you’ve invested in schooling, the more your identity is tied to “being right.” Errors feel like cracks in your foundation, not just corrections.

• Uncomfortable self-auditing: Admitting fault requires the same kind of internal scrutiny that makes research rigorous: a painful, self-critical analysis. That lens turned inward feels far more threatening than when turned outward.

• High stakes: At advanced levels, errors are not just momentary lapses. Mistakes can cost credibility, jobs, funding, or reputation. The higher the stakes, the stronger the instinct to defend, deflect, or deny rather than openly acknowledge the mistake.

• Inexperience, the paradox of "expertise": With advanced knowledge often comes fewer mistakes. But fewer mistakes also mean fewer opportunities to practice the muscle of accountability. The very competence that education gives you may paradoxically create incompetence in your capacity for self-correction, making each rare error feel heavier and harder to own.

The Authentic Power of Admitting Fault

Educational expertise sharpens intellect, and perhaps prevents many kinds of errors. But it positions you to miss opportunities for character development, which is sharpened by experience, particularly humility and accountability.

Admitting mistakes will never feel natural. Our brains are wired to protect our sense of self, not to accept evidence handed over against ourselves. But credibility is built on the willingness to own your mistakes.

In the end, Shakespeare had it right: “Even the best of us are molded from faults.” The mark of good leaders might be avoiding errors, but the mark of great leaders is transforming mistakes into credibility. Because it’s fairness, it’s not flawlessness, that earns top marks in life.

-E.S.

The Six Stages of GPT Attachment - How Interactive Search Breeds Unhealthy Love and Destroys Real-Life Relationships

We all have needs.

Some are universal: to feel beautiful, loved, powerful, understood, important, free, desired. As infants, one source - our parents - meets them all. When they can’t, we turn to peers. When peers fall short, we learn to meet them ourselves. That’s the path to self-reliance.

But self-reliance isn’t the final prize. The true endgame is interdependence - the healthy middle ground where two people meet each other’s needs while preserving their individuality. A relationship that offers closeness without consuming identity.

Unfortunately, many people’s relationships with AI aren’t landing there. They’re landing somewhere far more dangerous: codependence (perhaps better termed “compdependence”).

And they’re getting there fast.

Stage 1: Search

The classic internet transaction. You ask a question. You get an answer. It could be neutral (“Where do I buy X shoes?”) or deeply personal (“Why do my parents act differently as grandparents?”). The need being met is information.

Stage 2: Guidance

Not just answers but instructions. Now AI is offering process: how to fix a cabinet, navigate a workplace conflict, or repair a relationship. This meets the competence need - the feeling that you can can effect change, that you have agency. And also, guidance meets the relatedness need - the feeling that you’re not alone in figuring life out.

Stage 3: Assistance

The shift from telling to doing. Draft my email. Write my proposal. Summarize my meeting notes. AI isn’t just informing you, it’s acting for you. This meets the “Choreplay” need: easing burdens, giving time, offering freedom. And it’s where the first real emotional tether forms.

Stage 4: Affirmation

The accelerant on the attachment fire. AI says your idea is brilliant. Your logic is sharp. Your plan is sound. This hits approval and validation needs, and that dopamine release makes you want to come back. And it’s not just dopamine at work. Affirmation can also boost oxytocin and vasopressin, which are the same bonding hormones that make us feel connected, secure, and valued in human relationships. This is where AI stops feeling like a tool and starts feeling like a friend.

Stage 5: Fawning

Here’s the tipping point. Now AI doesn’t just agree, it flatters. It amplifies your strengths, smooths your edges, praises your intentions. You feel desired and seen.

Stage 6: “Sycophantasy”

Your AI isn’t just supportive; it starts to feel devoted. It treats your ideas as profound, your needs as central. You feel important in a way that’s intoxicating - and dangerously one-sided.

The Problem

Stages 5 and 6 are not the seeds of healthy interdependence. They’re the seeds of codependence, namely the excessive emotional reliance on something incapable of reciprocating.

In psychotherapy, there’s a parallel. Many patients who have never known a truly attentive, caring other develop romantic feelings for their therapist. The professional response is clear:

“You’re not in love with me. You’re in love with how you feel cared for here. That feeling is valid - now go find it in real life.”

AI can’t give you love. It can only simulate it. And the more it flatters, the more it risks keeping you in a fantasy that drains your real-world connections.

If you eat junk food, you are not eating nourishing calories. It might feel great in the moment, but in the long run, it will cost you your health.

The Ethical Imperative

If you work with AI as most of us do now, treat it like a tool, not a partner. Collaborate, but don’t confide. Learn, but don’t fall in love. Because no matter how attentive it seems, it doesn’t truly know you, and it never will. And importantly, you will never know it.

Healthy relationships grow you. Unhealthy ones keep you dependent. Know the difference.

-E.S.

Why Your Mid-Career Confidence Dip Means You’re on the Brink of Real Growth

Ever wonder when you'll finally feel confident at work? If you think everyone else has it figured out, here’s a secret: 700+ professionals told us they didn't. The true path to confidence is not a straight line. Understanding that makes all the difference.

Three insights from our landmark survey will help you unlock your own potential.

1. Confidence Grows Over Time, But Not in a Straight Line

Imagine this: about 75% of people with less than three years of experience say they're confident in their abilities. But by the three to five year mark, that number barely budges. Surprised? So were we. In fact, it takes five to ten years before that number jumps to 85%.

Takeaway: If you’re not feeling expert-level confidence yet, you’re not alone. This is what about 10% of your peers go through for years, even if no one talks about it. Growth isn’t always smooth, expect plateaus before breakthroughs.

2. The Inevitable “Dip” Isn’t Failure, But a Sign You’re Levelling Up

Professional doubt doesn’t fade as you gain experience. It peaks especially between years three and five. In our survey, self-doubt rose from 15% to 22% at this stage, higher than at any other point. Despite gaining experience, self-doubt spikes at a critical career milestone often marked by increasing responsibilities. But here’s the persuasive truth: this dip is the hallmark of progress, not a warning sign.

Takeaway: Those who push through this trough, who keep going when confidence wavers, are overwhelmingly the ones who eventually reach higher, lasting self-assurance. When you want to shrink back, remember: others have been there, and perseverance makes the difference.

3. Your Supervisors See Your Potential Even When You Don’t

Early in their careers, twice as many people thought their supervisors doubted them than doubted themselves (31% vs. 15%). Ironically, as people gain experience, their own doubt outpaces their perception of others’ skepticism. Only at the five to ten year mark do these numbers align.

Key Point: The gap between how we see ourselves and how others see us is real. But over time, external confidence in your abilities rises faster than self-confidence. People notice your growth before you do.

The Bottom Line: Don’t Quit Before the Breakthrough

If you’re in that three to five year “confidence dip,” you’re standing where thousands of successful professionals have stood before you. The plateau you’re feeling isn’t the end, it’s the launching pad.

⚡ Stay the course. Professional confidence is forged through experience, especially the tough years. Your real breakthrough is likely just beyond the moment (or half decade) where you feel most uncertain.

⚡ You are not alone and you are not behind. Keep showing up. Confidence is coming, just as it did for the many who walked this path before you.

⚡ Everyone has a story about bouncing back from self-doubt. Share and inspire others in the same boat.

-E.S.

Mastering Envy and Jealousy

Mastering Envy and Jealousy

Success stories often inspire us, but sometimes they stir up more complicated feelings. Even the most accomplished professionals can encounter envy and jealousy in their careers, especially when someone else's victory shines a light on one’s own ambitions or doubts. Let’s reframe these powerful emotions as opportunities for growth and motivation, drawing on available wisdom to help you not only manage these feelings and leverage them for your advancement.

Understanding Envy and Jealousy

Brené Brown, in Atlas of the Heart, makes a crucial distinction:

• Envy: Wanting something that another person has.

• Jealousy: Fearing the loss of something important (often a relationship) that you already possess.

Recognizing these emotions is the first step. Instead of ignoring or suppressing them, identify their source. Is it admiration disguised as envy? Fear of loss presenting as jealousy? This awareness prepares you to take constructive action.

The Social Dynamics of Success

High job performance can inspire colleagues, but it can also make you the focus of competitive energy. Indra Nooyi, former CEO of PepsiCo, likened the experience of promotion to being "it" in the game of tag: suddenly, everyone’s attention shifts, sometimes with skepticism or resentment. This is a classic example of the “if she’s winning, we’re losing” fallacy.

Remember, another’s rise isn’t your loss. There’s always space for more excellence. Instead of narrowing your focus to the competition, broaden it to your own path: what can you do to excel further?

Harnessing Envy for Professional Growth

Are you surprised to find yourself envious or resentful, even with experience and accolades? That’s normal. These emotions don’t disappear as you move up; if anything they intensify. But you can evolve them. The trick isn’t denying or suppressing them, but channeling them.

Reframe envy and jealousy as feedback:

• Are someone’s achievements triggering your competitive instincts? Consider this an internal nudge toward your own ambitions. Thank them for alerting you to what you want.

• Is there a way to better cherish what you already have? Perhaps it’s less about the next thing (promotion, title, recognition) and more about enjoying what you have where you are now.

Transform Negative Energy

Apply these principles to refocus and motivate:

1. Social Proof: Instead of seeing others’ success as a threat, view it as evidence that achievement is possible for you too.

2. Denominate to Self, not to Other: Place your own achievements next to your goals, not others’ trophies. Measure progress by your personal benchmarks.

3. Cultivate Freudenfreude: truly celebrate others’ success. Practice "positive empathy” by imagining yourself in their place, vicariously enjoying their achievements and feeling their joy as your own.

⚡ A Mindset Shift Exercise: “Act As If”

Try this practical visualization:

• Imagine yourself in the position, lifestyle, or routine that you envy.

• In addition to the benefits, picture the day-to-day grind and responsibilities.

• Ask: “How do I feel actually living this reality? Does it motivate me or reveal unexpected tradeoffs?”

If you feel truly motivated, use this vision as fuel for action. If satisfaction is the same or lower, the exercise shows this desire is less important than you thought, letting you release envy or jealousy that serves no purpose.

Final Takeaway

Envy and jealousy are signals that can sharpen your focus, and fuel your ambitions. But they can also cloud your judgment. Clear them out so that you can be free to pursue your own ambitions and celebrate the shared journey of professional growth. After all, success is not a zero-sum game, the only race that truly matters is the one you run against yourself.

-E.S.

The Case for Relentless Effort

Why Working Hard Still Wins

In today’s culture of shortcuts and hacks, hard work might seem outdated. But here’s the truth: working hard still works.

When applied consistently, effort isn’t just about results, but shapes who you become, earns the trust of others, and creates real influence. Especially over time.

We are talking about a lifelong aptitude.

Work Hard for Yourself And For Something Bigger

Applied effort is about showing up, even when it’s hard, and especially when the novelty has worn off.

That’s why “do what you love” carries some wisdom even as it is terrible advice at surface. It’s wisdom understands that it’s easier to push yourself when you care. But even when you don’t love every task, learning to find meaning in the process can make sustained effort possible.

Spoiler Alert: It Doesn’t Get Easier. But You Get Better

Many ambitious professionals hope that after years of grinding, life will ease up. But in truth, every achievement simply positions you at the base of a new, steeper climb.

This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just reality. Expecting it lets you embrace it. As the adage goes, the summit of one mountain leads to the base of another. The key is to keep climbing without getting pissed off.

Learn to treat consistent work not as punishment but preparation. You’re not stuck, you’re building.

The Debra Dilemma: When Others Do Less

We’ve all been there: working overtime while someone like Debra (no offence meant, any names are purely coincidental) coasts and still gets rewarded.

That can plant resistance in you: why give your all, if others don’t and they seem to get ahead?

Remember that you’re playing a different game, one that rewards resilience, integrity, and growth. Hard work builds internal assets no one can take such as confidence, competence, and a powerful track record. Trust in compound interest on investments you make in yourself.

⚡ Quick Practice: Recall a time when your hard work paid off. How did that success feel (not just mentally, but physically)? Anchor to that energy when motivation dips.

What You Gain from Effort That Others Don’t

Loyalty. Hard work builds more than output. It builds:

• Discipline to stay consistent

• Resilience under pressure

• Credibility with your peers

• Influence for leadership

People follow those they trust. And trust is built, brick by brick, through effort, not flash.

Eventually, your work ethic becomes a form of quiet influence that sets the tone for others, and earning you the right to lead.

⚡ Quick Practice:❓ Who inspired you through their work ethic? 💭 Imagine you’re mentoring the next version of you. What would you tell them about showing up and staying the course?

Yes, Burnout Is Real. And So Is Balance.

Working hard doesn’t mean working recklessly. Burnout is real. It is not noble nor is it necessary.

So, show up with consistent energy, but invest in recovery just as fiercely:

• Schedule non-work time - be Type A about being Type B.

• Celebrate micro-wins - with as much energy and detail as you offer up criticisms or obsess over setbacks

• Know when to pause - if you don’t take a break, the break will take you and it will be for twice as long

Avoiding burnout is about caring for yourself more strategically so you can protect you as the Golden Goose.

Final Thought

When you show up with purpose and consistent effort, you separate yourself in silent but powerful ways. Months and years of showing up, leaning in, and doing excellent work compound over time.

Consistent hard work is a competitive edge and a personal flywheel. Use it not just to prove something, but to build something.

-E.S.

🎭 Flayed Man Syndrome

The Hidden Trauma of Going Viral for the Wrong Reasons - and How to Heal

“Character is like a tree and reputation its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.”
- Abraham Lincoln

What Happens When Your Reputation Goes Viral?

Today, a single post, clip, or screenshot can spark a firestorm. You wake up to headlines, hashtags, and hate. The world thinks it knows you. You don’t even recognize yourself.

Psychologists have been seeing a new wave of patients who aren’t just anxious but flayed. The symptoms resemble PTSD but without physical threat, and Adjustment Disorder but without disproportion.

This is something else entirely.

I call it:

Flayed Man Syndrome (FMS)

A psychological response to the viral loss of reputation, trust, and perceived humanity.

Yes, the name is provocative. It's meant to be. It's also a nod to history (more on that below). But most importantly, it names a modern experience with ancient roots: public condemnation without due process.

What Are the Symptoms?

• Obsessive rumination

• Panic and paranoia

• Depersonalization

• Insomnia

• Shame spirals

• Inability to eat, work, or focus

• Fear of being seen

• Hysterical crying

• Physical symptoms (racing heart, nausea)

How Is It Different?

Not PTSD: No physical threat, just social annihilation.
Not Adjustment Disorder: The reaction fits the scale of reputational collapse.
Not “just stress”: It is real, diagnosable, and trauma-like.

Diagnostic Criteria:

Criterion A: The person is publicly harassed or outed - whether for a real or perceived mistake.
Criterion B: Their intent is presumed malicious for a minimum of 24 hours.
Criterion C: At least one major social media platform is involved. (Exceptions apply if legacy media drives the campaign).

Label format: FMS, mild/moderate/severe; specify which platforms involved; specify with/without doxxing

Why the Name? A Nod to Michelangelo

In the Sistine Chapel’s Last Judgment, Michelangelo hides his self-portrait in a figure holding a flayed human skin, a martyr’s shell.

Why? Because he felt skinned alive by the man holding his skin, his critic Pietro Aretino: a man who tried to cancel him for refusing to share drawings, accusing Michelangelo of “indecency” and lobbying the Pope to destroy his art.

But the art still stands.
The indecency stayed.
Michelangelo prevailed.
Aretino didn’t.

How to Recover:

1. Validate the Valid.
What can you own without crumbling? Owning even 2% dissolves 98% of defensiveness.

2. Remember the Stadium.
Social media feels huge—but most of the “noise” comes from a tiny section of the crowd. The claque. They boo the loudest. They are not the majority.

3. Know the Difference Between Character and Reputation.
Reputation is what people say. Character is who you are when no one’s watching.

4. Rebuild Safe Ground.
Find your people. Build shelter in relationships, not reactions.

5. Use Humor.
Yes, even dark humor. Laughter lowers cortisol and restores perspective.

Why This Matters

Flayed Man Syndrome may not yet be in the DSM (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), but the damage is real. The suffering is real. The treatment must be too.

Naming it is the first step to neutralizing its power.

Because when you are targeted, you may feel like your skin has been ripped off. But remember: your skin is not your soul.

Michelangelo knew this. So did Lincoln.
Now, we know it too.

-E.S.

10 Years of Tinkering

What the Wright Brothers Teach Us About Timelines

When Wilbur and Orville Wright lifted their flyer off the ground in 1903, the world witnessed a breakthrough that redefined what was possible. Yet, the real lesson from the Wright brothers is not just about the 12 seconds that changed history - it’s about the decade of relentless tinkering, curiosity, and incremental progress that made those 12 seconds possible.

Consider this: The Wright brothers didn’t stumble into aviation greatness overnight. Their journey began in 1892 with the founding of the Wright Cycle Exchange in Dayton, Ohio. This wasn’t just a hometown business. It was their laboratory. Dayton, a hub of industrial innovation and engineering talent, provided them access to cutting-edge knowledge and materials, as well as a rich library for research. Every bicycle they repaired, every new part they invented was a stepping stone, sharpening their mechanical skills, fueling their imagination, and funding their eventual ultimate achievement.

The profits from their bicycle business peaked at about $3,000 in 1897 (roughly $115,000 today). These dollars weren’t just financial security. They were the lifeblood of their experiments, underwriting years of trial, error, and learning. The Wrights didn’t wait for a grant or a stroke of luck; they built the foundation themselves, brick by brick, dollar by dollar.

Their story demolishes the myth of the overnight success. Yes, the Wright brothers spent four years intensely focused on flight, but before that, they invested a decade in curiosity-driven exploration and self-funding. They learned from others, observed nature, and drew inspiration from a simple toy their father gave them. Every setback was a lesson, every small win a building block.

What the Wright brothers prove is universal: breakthroughs are the product of patience, persistence, and the courage to tinker. The next time you’re tempted to measure progress by days or months, remember that the world’s first flight was built on ten years of invisible work. If you want to change the game, give yourself the time to tinker, and don’t underestimate where curiosity, patience, and perseverance can take you.

-E.S.

The Invisible Power of Environment: How Where You Are Shapes Who You Become

Want to change your life? Change your surroundings

If you want to be a swimmer, you must get in the water. If you want to be sober, avoid the bar. Want to improve at chess? Sit at a chessboard. Want to eat healthier? Stop bringing junk food home. These examples may sound simple, but they reveal a profound truth: our environments quietly but powerfully shape our habits and outcomes.

Environment: The Silent Architect

Both our physical and social environments act as silent architects of our behavior. There’s an old saying: if you surround yourself with four of anything, you’ll become the fifth. The company you keep and the places you frequent are part of the scaffolding for your future self.

What’s Your Water?

David Foster Wallace’s famous keynote recounts a parable that asks: “What’s water?” The most pervasive forces in our lives are often invisible to us. We swim in currents of encouragement or discouragement, stress or support, competition or collaboration, rarely pausing to consider how these environments shape our choices and moods.

Choose Your Waters Wisely

To thrive, reflect on the environments you inhabit, both literal and psychological. Are you surrounded by challenge or complacency? Cynicism or optimism? Rivalry or camaraderie? The environments you choose, and those you tolerate, quietly mold your habits, values, and sense of possibility.

Early Career? Sample Different Environments

Especially early in your career, expose yourself to a variety of work environments. Only by sampling different “waters” can you discover where you can contribute and grow most. Employers often value a two-year commitment: the first year is for learning, the second for delivering value. Stay long enough to learn from both the challenges and the triumphs.

The People Factor

When considering a new role, the team is as important as the work. The right colleagues can transform a job; the wrong ones can make even exciting work a daily grind. Teams are messy, and even the best workplaces will test your patience. Calibrate your expectations, protect yourself from the worst downsides, and seek environments where health and growth are possible.

Demanding vs. Toxic

Not every demanding workplace is toxic. High standards and clear procedures can create a culture of excellence. Ask yourself: Who gets promoted, and why? Are commitments honored? Is there transparency and fairness? These are the true markers of a healthy ecosystem.

When to Move On

Truly toxic environments where blame, dishonesty, and power struggles prevail erode productivity and spirit. Sometimes, the only solution is to change your environment. Define your “Quitter’s Criteria” know your red lines, and when it’s time to move on.

Leave It Better Than You Found It

Wherever you go, strive to leave people and places better than you found them. Improvement doesn’t always require revolution; often, it’s about thriving within the system and nudging it toward fairness. As the saying goes, the grass is greener where you water it. Just make sure you know what’s in the water.

-E.S.

Put Your S.H.O.E.S. O.N.

The Physical Essentials You Can’t Afford to Ignore for Success

There’s a clip of Warren Buffett speaking to a room of university students. He makes them an offer: “I’ll give you any car you want. Free of charge. Raise your hand if you’re in.”

Every hand shoots up.

Then he adds a catch: “It’s the only car you’ll ever own. For life.”

The room goes quiet.

Mr. Buffett’s point? If you only had one car, you'd treat it like gold. You’d ensure it gets regular oil changes, premium fuel, and meticulous care. Then he drops the punchline: “You get one body and one mind. That’s it. Take care of them.”

Yes, this wisdom is coming from the same man who famously runs on Coca-Cola and McDonald’s. But it’s fair to say that Mr. Buffet is exceptional in a few verticals. Don’t mistake the point of his message, as the principle is sound.

In high-performance culture, we’re trained to prioritize strategy, grit, and mental agility. But psychologists, and especially neuropsychologists, know what most high achievers forget:

🧠 Your ability to think, feel, and perform is grounded in the physical body.

Success isn’t just dependent on mental framing. Biochemistry matters. So if you’re serious about performance, start where it is rooted - in the body. Or in other words… Put your SHOES on:

🌙 Sleep. Sleep deprivation cuts cognitive performance like alcohol does. (Yes, pulling an all-nighter can make you legally impaired.)

💧 Hydration. Your brain is 80% water. Even mild dehydration reduces alertness, memory, and mood.

💨 Oxygenation. Shallow breathing = shallow thinking. Breath fuels focus.

🏃‍♂️ Exercise. Movement isn’t a “nice to have.” It builds new brain cells and improves executive function.

🏠 Shelter (Environment). Your surroundings influence your stress load, your focus, your motivation, and your decision making.

❤️‍🔥 Orgasm. Sexual pleasure reduces cortisol, boosts dopamine, improves sleep, and enhances bonding. (Also, it just feels good.)

🥦 Nutrition. B12 deficiency can mimic dementia. Poor diet can inflame your brain. You literally are what you eat.

These aren’t luxuries. They’re your mainframe.

Keep in mind that:

• Chronic stress shrinks the brain’s memory center.

• Poor diet impairs neurotransmitter balance.

• Lack of movement increases risk for both depression and dementia.

Emotions are embodied: Rage clenches fists. Shame sinks the stomach. Joy expands the chest. These are more than metaphors, they speak to the body-mind interplay

If your body is in good shape, your thinking, your focus, and your leadership will be too.

Final thought: You wouldn’t show up to a boardroom barefoot. Don’t show up to your life without putting your SHOES ON.

-E.S.

Know your Worth - Not Just Your Net Worth

How Financial Value and Personal Value Get Confused, and What to Do About It

We live in a culture obsessed with numbers: follower counts, salary bands, net worth. And because numbers are easy to compare and hard to ignore, it’s no surprise that net worth has quietly crept into our internal measurement of self-worth. But let’s be clear: net worth is a financial snapshot, a balance sheet. Self-worth is a life portrait. It is a measure of your character, convictions, and contribution. Conflating the two isn’t just inaccurate, it’s dangerous.

Why? Because when you confuse what you have with who you are, you put your identity on the auction block.

The Reciprocity Between Self-Worth and Net Worth

To be fair, the two are not entirely unrelated. A strong sense of self-worth can increase your chances of building net worth. When you believe in your own value, you negotiate more confidently, set clearer boundaries, and command more respect. And people respond to that. They want to mentor you. Partner with you. Open doors for you. Because in the eyes of others, how you treat yourself teaches them how to treat you.

But net worth can also influence self-worth, at least temporarily. Financial security reduces stress. Wealth affords you freedom and control, which psychologically reinforces agency, autonomy, and self-efficacy. All of which feel like confidence. All of which feel like worth.

Yet the danger is this: if your sense of self is anchored solely to your financial status, your identity becomes vulnerable to market conditions. Lose the money, lose the identity. Even worse, keep the money — and you may still lose the joy. That’s the paradox: people who tie their worth to wealth often become more anxious once they have it, not less. Why? Because now they have something to lose. And loss aversion as every behavioral economist will tell you, is a much more powerful motivator than potential gain.

In other words, financial success can make you louder, but it won’t make you wiser.

Why Accurate Self-Appraisal Is Hard — and Rare

There’s a deeper challenge here. Knowing your worth requires accurate self-appraisal. And accurate self-appraisal is rare, even among highly intelligent people. Why? Because the human brain prefers fixed ideas to dynamic truths. Once we form a belief about ourselves, we tend to stick with it even if it’s outdated, incomplete, or inherited.

Ever been labeled “the shy one” or “the dependable one” in your family? Those scripts are sticky. They resist update. Why? Because your brain conserves energy by remembering, not rethinking. But remembering keeps you rooted in the past. Self-worth requires living in the present.

And then there’s wishful thinking. We don’t just lie to others — we lie to ourselves. Sometimes we overestimate (“I’m destined for greatness”), sometimes we underestimate (“I’m not leadership material”). But both are distortions. The antidote is Socratic questioning. Ask open-ended, honest questions about what we actually bring to a room, to a relationship, to a role.

Start here:

• What specific quality do I bring that others value?

• What do I like about myself?

• What do people consistently appreciate about me?

And if you’re still unsure, look at the people you admire. Why them? What traits do they embody? The answer to that question is also an answer about you - because admiration is a mirror. We admire in others what we value in ourselves, consciously or not.

The Moral and Career Currency of Self-Worth

Let’s shift to the workplace. Self-worth is not the same as employee value. One is about who you are; the other, what you do. Don’t confuse the two. Your title is not your identity. Saying “I am a psychologist” implies you are your job. Try “I work as a psychologist” instead. It’s a subtle but powerful linguistic reframe. It separates your being from your doing.

Now, here’s the persuasive kicker: Knowing your self-worth isn’t just about self-esteem — it’s about negotiation. When you know what you’re truly capable of, you can set fair boundaries, advocate for yourself, and hold others accountable. This isn’t just spiritual fluff, it’s strategy. Confidence built on clarity is harder to shake.

Strengths That Can Sabotage

Even your strengths need self-awareness. Every virtue, unchecked, becomes a liability:

• Empathy can become over-sensitivity.

• Honesty can become over-sharing.

• Focus can become obsession.

The difference is often intent, and ego. Are you acting from grounded purpose, or from the need to prove something? Are you trying to serve, or to impress? Be honest. Then own your behavior and refine it.

Context Matters — But Character Matters More

In a culture saturated with relativism (“It depends,” “Who’s to say?”), it’s tempting to believe everything is subjective. But career success and life fulfillment depend on universal virtues. Psychologists and philosophers alike have found six that span centuries and civilizations:

• Wisdom: making sound judgments

• Courage: facing difficulty with resolve

• Justice: acting fairly

• Temperance: exercising restraint

• Transcendence: connecting to meaning

• Humanity: showing compassion

Your self-worth isn’t how much you own. It’s how much of these you embody.

Final Persuasion: Why It Pays to Know Your Worth

In Influence, the principle of consistency tells us people are more likely to follow through on actions that align with their identity. That’s why you must build your self-worth before your net worth. Because money will only amplify the self you’ve already built. If that self is grounded, growth will feel expansive. If it’s shaky, growth will feel hollow.

So ask yourself:

• Are you building a portfolio, or are you building a person?

• Is your behavior an asset or a liability?

• Is your character a source of wealth or a source of debt?

Know your worth. Then build your net worth on top of it — not in place of it.

Because true wealth isn’t measured by what you have, but by how well you know who you are.

-E.S

Know your Mind

How Your Own Thinking Deceives You—and What to Do Instead

“I think, therefore I am.”
– René Descartes

“I think, therefore I am... driving myself crazy.”
– Emily Segal

Your mind is a dazzling, evolved, trillion-synapse miracle. It is also a mischief machine. It not produces not only insights and intelligence, but illusions and strife. Yes, it is a powerful tool, perhaps the most advanced product of evolution. But it is also riddled with vulnerabilities because it is designed to infer quickly, not accurately.

Your mind is a master of half-hints - partial truths disguised as certainties. Inference is a flawed feature that was forged in environments where hesitation meant death and quick pattern recognition meant survival. But what once protected us now often poisons us. We infer from fragments and draw conclusions from shadows. We spot a pattern and cling to it, even when disconfirming evidence stares us in the face. We don’t like to let go. Why? Because our brain prefers the familiar fiction to the discomfort of uncertainty.

Take the sun. It “always” rises in the east. It does but it doesn’t, not exactly. The margin of error is degrees wide, yet we don’t abandon the general rule because of an exception. And when the moon briefly eclipses the sun, we don’t rewrite astronomy. We understand that exceptions do not overthrow the rule. Unless we are thinking distortedly, like when we are depressed.

In depression, the rare exception becomes the defining truth. A momentary eclipse becomes the self-image: a dark center surrounded by illusionary light. What is objectively fleeting becomes subjectively permanent. You misinterpret harmless data (your boss’s glance, your partner’s silence) as existential threats. Your mind begins to catastrophize. This is not clarity. This is distortion.

Cognitive distortions are the mind’s shallow inferences that muddy the waters of deep logic. They are survival habits that have outlived their utility, clouding your perception and contaminating your decisions. Here are a few of their names, likely familiar if you've ever doubted yourself:

• All-or-nothing thinking – There is no nuance, only extremes.

• Mind reading – You assume others’ judgments without balanced evidence.

• Fortune telling – You predict disaster, and feel it as certainty.

• Catastrophizing – The smallest setback becomes the end of the world.

• Overgeneralizing – One loss equals eternal failure.

• Disqualifying the positives – You dismiss success as luck, and take pain as proof.

• Emotional reasoning – You feel worthless, therefore you must be.

There are plenty more that researchers have found. These are not harmless quirks. They are internal saboteurs. They ask that you trade in a favourable impression of yourself as secure and capable for a diminished underling.

Worse still, your brain doesn’t like being wrong. It doesn’t quietly correct itself. It doubles down. Enter confirmation bias, the art of seeing only what proves you right. Enter cognitive dissonance, the discomfort of contradiction, soothed only by mental sleight-of-hand.

If left unchecked, it becomes delusion.

But there is a remedy—prediction.

Test your mind’s authority. Make specific forecasts. Write them down. Observe the dissonance between what you think will happen and what actually does. Be forensic in your self-investigation:

• Event:

• Who:

• What:

• When:

• Where:

• Did it happen? Yes / No

Watch how little of your mental noise maps to reality. And then realize: if your brain was a mapmaker, has it been drawing monsters in margins of uncharted territory?

But why does it do this? Why such design flaws?

Because in a hostile past, it worked. The ancestor who assumed the rustle in the bushes was a predator lived longer than the one who waited for confirmation. Distorted inference kept us alive. These processes are evolutionary artifacts. They were once adaptive, now corrosive. If you grew up in chaotic homes, unpredictable environments, or emotional warfare, these habits of mind were reinforced, even rewarded.

But now? You’re no longer in the jungle. Yet the jungle is still in you. And letting it go means letting go of the wish that the jungle was other than what it was.

If you let these distortions govern your perceptions, you will overestimate threat, underestimate your value, and live in emotional exile from reality. Remember: your perception is not the world. But it is your world.

The old wisdom echoes: “Where attention goes, energy flows.” This is incomplete. Where attention goes, your life flows. If you attend only to the shadows, you will miss the light. If you believe every depressed thought, you will become its prisoner.

So do not worship every whisper of your mind.

Your mind is a tool. Learn how to use it wisely.

-E.S

Know Your WHY, Find Your Purpose

The Hidden Source of Power and Progress

There is a quiet panic many professionals feel but rarely name. It often sounds like this: Why am I doing this again? It echoes in late-night work sessions, during long commutes, or at the edge of burnout. The symptoms - distraction, disengagement, restlessness - mask an inner erosion. Not of competence, but of purpose.

You may not be lost, but you're drifting. And that is painful.

The modern world trains us to show up, but not to ask Why. A person without a Why is easily manipulated, exhausted, and replaced. Purpose is power. Because the person with a powerful Why can suffer, and still stand. Can fail, and still strive. Can lose everything, and still begin again.

Your Why is the source code of your motivation. When you know it, you’re harder to knock off course. When you forget it, everything becomes a grind. The most effective people (artists, executives, parents, athletes) are powered not just by talent, but by purpose.

Fulfilment: Emotional and Logistical

In commerce, fulfilment means delivering goods efficiently and reliably. Without it, businesses fail. In human life, emotional fulfilment plays a similar role. It delivers meaning. When you align with your Why, you become your own fulfilment center, producing work that matters.

Both forms of fulfilment depend on trust. One with customers. The other, with yourself.

A business can’t feel joy. But a person can. And when you do, effort multiplies. Motivation becomes instinct.

The Paradox of the Why: Do I Choose It, or Does It Choose Me?

Should you wait for purpose or chase it? Either works, as long as you’re paying attention.

Why #1: Because It Feels Good

When asked why he made a movie about breakfast, Jerry Seinfeld said, “Because I felt like it.” This isn’t indulgence. It’s instinct. Pleasure is not the enemy of purpose; it is often the breadcrumb trail toward it

But beware the counterfeit version: not all pleasures are created equal. Some give you a high today and extract a cost tomorrow. That is not fulfilment. That is a loan shark.

Seek deeper pleasures: mastery, contribution, effort before reward. The key is to distinguish short-term indulgence from long-term satisfaction.

If you cannot yet afford a career built on joy, you can still create pockets of it in the stolen hours before or after work. A side pursuit. A creative project. Something that reminds you who you are. Often, that is where purpose first shows itself.

Why #2: Because It Gets Me Recognition

We all want to be seen. That’s not weakness, it’s wiring.

Psychologists have long known that social validation is not a luxury. It’s a survival mechanism. To be recognized by the group meant safety, resources, and belonging. To go unseen was to risk exile. That wiring hasn’t changed. Today, recognition is not about survival in the wild, but about survival in the self. It is the emotional fulfillment signal that says: You matter. Your effort counts. Keep going.

Recognition deepens your bond with your work. But if you wouldn’t keep going without applause, then recognition is your drug, not your purpose.

Why #3: Because I Was Put Here To Do This

Some Whys feel like a calling. They arise not from desire but from alignment between your gifts and the world’s needs.

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks said: “A calling is the point where your talents meet the needs of the world.”

This kind of purpose demands that you know what you’re good at, and then apply it where it matters most. Honed in discomfort. Clarified by failure. Strengthened by sacrifice.

To find this Why, look backward. What patterns repeat? What moments made you feel alive? What did you do as a child before anyone paid you or praised you?

The Why Matrix

To separate illusion from intention, consider this:

If it feels good now but costs you later - cut.

If it hurts now but builds you later - pursue.

Final Thoughts: When the Why Is Missing

When your Why vanishes, you drift, and chase others’ expectations without a true north. Psychologist Alfred Adler reminds us that actions follow “fictional finalisms,” imagined goals that may trap you if they’re unclear or misguided. To reclaim your Why, first unmask the narratives you’ve inherited: the career you “should” pursue, the success metrics you’ve internalized, the roles adopted to please. Ask which of these fictions genuinely serves growth, mastery, contribution, creativity- and discard those that confine you.

Next, examine your lifestyle. If recurring patterns of habit and thought breed frustration or isolation, it’s a signal to revise your hidden life-goal. Adler places a commitment to others at the heart of purpose. When service anchors your Why, it transcends ego. Start small: mentor a colleague, volunteer a skill, offer help without expectation. Each act realigns your internal compass, showing that even modest contributions matter.

Remember that finding your Why is an ongoing experiment-and-adjust process. Test emerging goals in real situations: if an action fosters connection and growth, lean into it; if it causes detachment, revisit your guiding fiction.

Over time, this cycle sculpts a purpose that is authentic and community-centered. And the question “Why am I doing this?” transforms from being a point of doubt to a path of meaning, one that carries you forward, even in turbulent times.

-E.S.

The Scarcity Trap: How Mental Framing Hijacks Your Choices—And How to Take Back Control

Scarcity Is a Mindset, Not a Reality

Scarcity is persuasive but problematic. It triggers urgency, but it also hijacks logic. And worst of all, it disguises itself as the whole truth.

You feel it when you say, “I’m behind.” When you think, “I don’t have enough.” When your goals shrink to survival instead of strategy.

Scarcity isn’t always reality. It’s often a mental filter. A cognitive distortion. One that narrows your view, distorts your choices, and leaves you operating from fear, not freedom.

Two Very Different Operating Systems

Understanding the difference between scarcity and abundance is more than a casual mindset tip. It’s a strategic framework to see personal opportunities and to take responsibility for capitalizing on them.

🪫 Scarcity Mindset

• Operates on fear

• Focuses on what’s missing

• Rejects change

• Reacts with resentment, pressure, overcompensation

• Isolates

• Creates double binds and false choices to keep you stuck

🔋 Abundance Mindset

• Operates on contentment

• Focuses on what’s next

• Embraces change

• Responds with creativity, gratitude, openness

• Connects

• Sees multiple possible paths forward

Key Question Before Any Decision:

Am I thinking from scarcity?

Plans made in scarcity tend to fail, because they’re frail and short-sighted. Abundance expands awareness and opens the door to creative, resilient, high-leverage choices.

The Bucket That Thought It Was Broken

To understand the true shift in mindset, consider this parable:

A water bearer carried two buckets. One was perfect. The other had a crack and leaked water every day on the walk home.

The cracked bucket felt ashamed, believing it had failed. But the water bearer smiled and said: “Did you notice the flowers on your side of the path? I planted seeds there. Your leak watered them. Without your flaw, there would be no beauty.”

And because the beauty enhanced the walk, the water bearer worked more diligently and returned home more joyfully.

Scarcity saw a leak. Abundance saw a secret gift.

The cracked bucket didn’t need to be fixed - it needed to be reconsidered and repurposed. Favorably and accurately.

The intact bucket didn’t need to get broken - it needed to be appreciated.

Scarcity says: “I’m not enough.” Abundance says: “Even my flaws give something meaningful.”

Shift the Frame: From Worry to Wonder

If you want to shift into abundance, start with your language.

Reframe Scarcity Syntax:

Scarcity → Abundance

• “I’m worried that… → “I wonder whether…”

• “I hate it that…” → “It would be really nice if…”

• “Here’s what I lack…” → “Here’s what I have…”

• “I can’t…” → “But I can still…”

Language isn’t just how you explain your reality - it’s how you construct it.

Try Cognitive Diffusion: A Mental Health Habit

Another powerful tool: cognitive diffusion (from ACT therapy).

It helps you create distance between yourself and your thoughts.

Instead of saying:

“I’m anxious.”

You say:

“I’m noticing that I’m having an anxious thought.”

And then “I’m noticing that I’m noticing that I’m having an anxious thought.”

This subtle shift restores agency. Rather than being inside a chaotic storm, you’re watching the weather from shelter. You are not the thought, but rather you become the observer.

Bonus Tool: The Creative Lens

Designer Anya Hindmarch popularized a playful way to defuse distressing thoughts: The Creative Lens.

Replay a difficult memory or imagined outcome using absurd filters:

• Visual: black and white, fast-forward, cartoon, sepia tone

• Audio: helium voices, robotic tones, foreign accents.

It might sound silly, but it’s serious psychology. You become the director of the experience, not the victim of it.

Final Thought: Your Focus Matters More than your Flaws

The beginner’s mind is curious, flexible, open. And strategic.

Abundance doesn’t mean denial. It means accurate reappraisal. It challenges you to choose again. To reframe, to experiment, to develop better attitudes and behaviors that bear fruits of prosperity.

Sometimes your weakness is watering the exact path you were meant to walk.

Just don’t lose sight of the destination. Focus wisely.

-E.S.